Preggers

Thats me i am preggers.....

And not to take away from that....now i am petrified.

SO found a steamy myspace back and forth between a guy friend and I. We were steaming before my X and i split and i sent him some questionable pictures.....well....we talked about those pictures and SO thinks i sent him more of them in july.

I know it was wrong....i really do. I have even talked with my friend about SO and I and we are no longer bantering back and forth.....and havent for awhile, but here i sit, cheater once again.

I cant do anything right and damnit if i wanted to live like this i woudl have just stayed with the X. I had a right to question my relationship.....i had a right to vent. I was questioning the relationship due to a trip i took that SO was beyond unhappy about. I felt control....he says he was just protecting me....thats not how it felt. Helll, this is the only place that i know he will not see because i only blog at work....

I wish he would realize that its been so very hard for me. Its been scary, awkward, and just scary. He seems to think its just so easy to commit, but really....for me its harder.

I just see the bottom dropping out.....and me having a kid now....fuck, this is not going to work.